melanieb_tx (melanieb_tx) wrote,
melanieb_tx
melanieb_tx

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Is it that time already?

*This is actually a repost of my 360 blog from two days ago*

My how time flies.

I still remember well the days past when I was searching for terms such as ‘transsexual’, transgender, and male-to-female. I remember the hunts for information about hormones, places to buy them, regimens that worked or should be avoided. I remember the pages and pages that people had created on their personal sites that offered guidance to those about to start transition.

I remember how scared I was to take that first step.

These days I am very comfortable with myself, and I spend my time searching for a decent bathing suit, information on anime, or the latest book from my favorite authors. A look over my internet history would find several entries looking for recipes for homemade salsa and a query on cell phones. Recently I spent some time looking for a particular song I like that I would love to use as my ringtone.

Quite a change from this time two years ago.

The reason I mention this is because I am now two years on hormones. Two years ago I was searching for those terms I mentioned in the beginning paragraph. Two years ago I was a clean-cut guy who weighed ~220 pounds and had a goatee.

Happy anniversary to me! Is this cause for a celebration? Perhaps. I might have if I’d noticed earlier in the day that this was indeed my two year anniversary. Honestly, I started today like any other day. Well, not like I used to start my days as a guy…but normal for me now. It wasn’t until I started writing this blog that I noticed the date. Otherwise my normal activities gave me no clue that I had cause for celebration.

Today I found myself searching for movies on IMDB, makeup from Ulta and Sephora, and a visit to the Personique page asking questions about rhinoplasty. I’m still waiting on them to get back to me. Hardly what you’d expect for this date.

What I find interesting is that a lot has happened in the last two years…and I’m still far from where I want to be.

Don’t get me wrong…I’m far happier than I was…and much more comfortable with my body and my chemistry. The results have been wonderful, far better than I could have expected considering I started my transition at the age of 31 and nearly every page I read warned of how much harder it can be to transition after age 30. I think that was part of my urgency when I started, but not the major factor. Truth is I was just ready, and I finally had the information I needed.

Why, oh why, wasn’t the net widely available when I was 15??? Sigh…

Doesn’t matter now. I am doing well in my new body, and my life feels like I will have a good outcome despite the rocky months that have come and gone since spring of 2004. There were plenty of times I felt like giving up, giving in, or just quitting all existence even. I’m so glad I didn’t.

I still have a long way to go on my path. I am not as close as I’d like to be to certain goals but I’ve found that I’m doing okay despite that. Honestly, these days I am actually finding many reasons to smile, and perhaps a renewed hope for a better future. My mind seems more clear, my heart feels less heavy, and even my step is lighter, though I can probably attribute that to a lower intake of fat grams in my meals.

I wish I could say how my future is going to turn out. I have no map for this path, and despite taking the journey with many friends I still walk this path alone. I guess we all do. I am glad that when I get where I’m going there will be people waiting there to greet me and welcome me to…a place that I have only dreamed of.

Wherever that is it will just be a stop on a road that has no apparent ending. That’s fine…I like traveling.

I’ve shared quite a bit over the last 8 months with this blog…all sorts of personal information and revelations. I’ve shared ups and downs. I’ve shared the creation of who I am today.

Do you want to know who I am?

I am Melanie, a woman…and I am happy! I want tonight to reflect that.

So…how do I wrap up a long entry that was never intended to be long? With a song of course.

"Man! I Feel Like A Woman!"

I'm going out tonight-I'm feelin' alright
Gonna let it all hang out
Wanna make some noise-really raise my voice
Yeah, I wanna scream and shout
No inhibitions-make no conditions
Get a little outta line
I ain't gonna act politically correct
I only wanna have a good time

The best thing about being a woman
Is the prerogative to have a little fun and...

Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy-forget I'm a lady
Men's shirts-short skirts
Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, doin' it in style
Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction
Color my hair-do what I dare
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel
Man! I feel like a woman!

The girls need a break-tonight we're gonna take
The chance to get out on the town
We don't need romance-we only wanna dance
We're gonna let our hair hang down

The best thing about being a woman
Is the prerogative to have a little fun and...

Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy-forget I'm a lady
Men's shirts-short skirts
Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, doin' it in style
Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction
Color my hair-do what I dare
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel
Man! I feel like a woman!

The best thing about being a woman
Is the prerogative to have a little fun and...

Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy-forget I'm a lady
Men's shirts-short skirts
Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, doin' it in style
Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction
Color my hair-do what I dare
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel
Man! I feel like a woman!

I get totally crazy
Can you feel it
Come, come, come on baby
I feel like a woman


Well, something like that…

~melanie
Tags: me, transition
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